forutoenvy

it has been so long...

2009-08-02T20:38:00.000-07:00

today....i wanna watch movie with darlin..but i dunno what movie to watch....

i wanna surprise him with movie tickets..but it sucks not to own a credit card or debit card for it's widely accepted usage for online purchases...

i wanna lose weight but i dunno why im not discipline plus i am really in love with my food. How i wish i can lose all of it mannn...damn..but oh well..it's here to stay temporarily i suppose. I need stop eating and fast fer real! i really need to pay off my fasting "debts"...

I need to start jogging like today..so i guess cancel movie plans..STRAIGHT HOME and jump into my sports bra and shorts and huge t shirt and my jogging shoes..RUN..!!

il update again..see how it is going to turn out..wahhhahahaha.

(p.s- smoking really do disrupt your lungs, affecting ur heart, which later affect your fitness level. DAMN..how i wish i was not dependent on cigarettes...)

Boys are fucked up

2009-05-14T00:04:00.000-07:00

Today, I went to take some fresh air, after a whole day in class. I found out about some news that affected me for a moment. It made conclude that BOYS(not man) are dogs. I realise what my grand daddy say is true.

I have also concluded that boys who talk alot and crap too much and somewhat the one who is all talk and no shit is the one u need be careful of. Apart from that, girls need to be careful with BOYS especially when they try sweet talk you. One day when i have a foolproof plan, all u loserish boys will go down mann..Fuckers..U dun deserve to be even breathing and living near humans. Filth like u, dun even fit to be amongst rubbish. HOWEVER, thanks to such people, I now know what to look out for in a boy. ASSHOLES.

Dun u talk like u own me. Dun talk like u have me. Dun talk like u tasted me. Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. U are just ultimately dumb to get urself involve with any woman who would hold on to such grudges and would just feed on ur downfall mann. U are a dog for.U salivate wen u see me and rub ur dick against the floor JUST TO SATISFY UR ANIMALISTIC SELF. Go hump your mum, u asshole. Claim whut u wanna, u aint gonna get a piece of me...WAHAHAHHAAHAHA.. this is not meant for my loved ones..

il blog in again later or something. BOTTOMLINE..Im glad and thankful I have MUHAMMAD AZRI in my life..thank u darlin for being my strength and support, especially during times like this.I LOVE U..i really do........

Gule gule amat hot sekali dalam class.

2009-05-05T00:07:00.000-07:00

Forgot to post this like last week..just post it now thennnnn....
Today made me realise that children these days are growing too fast. Scare the shit out of me. Hey people, seriously, take things easy mann. I had a distubing experience with a group of homosapiens with pretty much low intellectual ability. They are living in denial and think that life is a fairytale. Oh fuck..so naive..Well, i have said my piece to them. Species like them would unlikely have understand my point. U people go on reading books with happy endings okie? Good.

MOVING ON!

Today's topic for the class discussion is Gule-gule paling hot dalam class. She has the habit of sucking up to all the facilitators and even the pple around her. Will she learn she dun have to be "cute" to make friends?

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

2009-05-03T05:20:00.000-07:00

I met him and talked on sunday before he booked in..i felt better definitely..WAY better..I hope you understand the reason y i was upset and the only reason i tell u that because i still care and love u as much as i did before the incident. Like i have mentioned before that this time, I am not going to lose u just like that. I want to work things out because i believe i can. I also feeel that 6 years of getting to know each other is strong enough to withstand all this, I honestly am not ready to face the reality if i am alone now.

Anw, I came across this song..the lyrics..IS amazing..Some of u would be able to emphatise such moments when u are deeply in love with someone..might be able to describe how I felt on that eventful day..a description of what I felt on that day darlin..i hope u would read it..i love u..Despite all this, love will pull through. Whoever said LOVE will always be wonderful?! u MUST be naive to think love brings u up to cloud 9. Love IS painful, but whut makes love wonderful is because the pain that u go through is WORTH IT. No other happiness can make u feel that way.

Song is sang by a girl and a guy.

SOMETIMES LOVE JUST AINT ENOUGH, by Patty Smyth and Don Henley

Now, I don't want to lose you

but I don't want to use you

just to have somebody by my side.

( i DEFINITELY do not want to lose you. Going through two years all by myself is a bitch. A feeling, so painful that i would rather die than go through that again. I am definitely not using you for any personal gains, u gave me support, believe in me, hold me and walk the winding road of life. )

And I don't want to hate you,

I don't want to take you

but I don't want to be the one to cry.

( i do not want to be crying alone darlin. I dun want to be hurt and heal on my own. Despite gg tru that shit, knowing that I have u is somewhat comforting. But at times, my tears run dry and at times i don't want to be the one to cry. Do understand my view where i am trying my very best to not restrict u in any form but i hope u are aware of the issues that i dislike. It is not for m y selfish reasons but im just uncomfortable. I know u never mean to hurt me. I always have forgiven u.)

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.

But like a fool I keep losing my place

and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

(this paragraph would explain how i feel back in those years where i would be the one waiting and praying u will come back. I always have. loving u have been both a painful and a fulfilling one. No one would b able to make me feel this way again daarlin. i love u)

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,

and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.

There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.

Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

( sometimes, they say u cannot love someone 100% because where would ur love for urself stand? But sometimes, loving someone, u cannot say "hey i want to love u 50%,"..its ridiculous...But i guess, if we put all the eggs in a basket, if it topples, ul have nothing,u'll have pain. For me, i have learnt that wen i put in all, and when u left, it feels so empty that i lost my vision for my life, it became aimless. Now my love for u can not be measured or weighed. It is there as it is. It is beyond any descriptive ability of the language. beyond words..)

Now, I could never change you

I don't want to blame you.

Baby, you don't have to take the fall.

( u KNOW, i have always love for what u r inside. I never have tried to change u. But if habits that is destructive of urself, definitely i would do my best to make u a better person. well, thats love. we grow together to be someone better than yest. )

(guys part)
Yes, I may have hurt you,

but I did not desert you.

Maybe I just want to have it all.

( This part is VERY IMPORTANT. this part was sang by the guy. AND..this explains y u felt that way that day.. u just want to have it all, "i want my choice and i want u"...sometimes in life, we do get whut we want but we dun get EVERYTHING we want. And i too understood that u had no intentions of hurting me and u did not know it would have hurt me that bad. This part made me cry cause i feel like i am a useless gf cause i might have misunderstood u. BUT BOYS NEED TO LEARN THAT WEN THEY ARE ANGRY, CAN THEY BE CAREFUL OF WHAT THEY SAY?..but hey, boys are best left alone wen they are angry. but i do understand now. dat does not mean im healed darlin, the scar is still there only i am trying to heal it partly, cause the rest u figure out k darlin, cause u always have..i love u)

It makes a sound like thunder

it makes me feel like rain.

And like a fool who will never see the truth,

I keep thinking something's gonna change.

THATS ABOUT IT! long uh my entry..but i feel good writing out my feelings. Thank u fer reading darlin(if u are). Those of u who happen to come across my blog. I hope i gave u some insights or at least have shared experiences. Pardon for my language. Take care people. Ily muhammad azri..xoxo..i miss schattig cheri..

I wish things were different.......

2009-05-02T20:16:00.000-07:00

U promised, u pinky swear...u promised..

Staring out this window and all I can see is the contours of the roads and the hills and the vast sky.

How I wish I can fly, fly far away and not feel like this today.

How does it feel like when ur insides are turn out?

How does it feel when u fall from a 100th floor?

How does it feel when God takes away your ability to breathe?

That was whut I felt when I read the conversations I had with u. I could not swallow. I could not think. I could not blink. I was stunned. Everything stopped. Everything that means so dear to me was taken away from me. Dumbfounded but Im screaming inside. Stabbed in my heart so deep. All I could feel was pain.

How would you feel when u try to make the ones u love happy by sacrificing your happiness. I laughed to cover my pain but my tears gave me up. How can I laugh when something that means your world to you react in that manner.

Why love have to be painful?
Why is your absence blamed?
Why am I useless?
Why I am naive?
Why am I sacrificing so much for my loved ones?
Why?

Absence makes the heart fonder.
I used to believe and still do but I realise, not everyone feel that way.
I guess not for you.
Absence makes your heart wonder.
U wonder of issues, issues I wish didnt exist

I hoped all these is a dream........
but i guess not...

ooohweeee

2009-04-29T23:56:00.000-07:00

Today is THURSDAY!

Bf booking out!! Im having lab management now.. I would say rather enjoyable to compare to Biochemistry. Today I have Adastra farewell buffet at IJC. damn..I SURE DO MISS CHEER SO BAD. I am actually thinking of joining Rexaz but to be honest, it feels weird when u were in another squad initially. The trust you have is quite shaky. In competitive cheerleading, trust is essential. But anyways SHARX..damn..im rather upset with the "advancement". There is so much potential but we lack confidence. It hurts so much inside. I will move away from the upsetting thought.

Class is fun. I have yet to talk about SABRINA. It was raining so bad today but Sabrina became the SUN. why? cause I was walking to class, kinda pissed. But she smiled so widely, I knew today would be a fun day! I step in greeted by DIANA! Today's group is my fav. cause got Diana and Hilton. I can just be me and not be hiding behind my shell. i have shell ok. I am very shy. Ask my classmates, they will agree I AM SHY!RIGHT?RIGHT?RIGHT?

Su..if u reading this..dun spam my tagboard. I will milk you dry! I know what to suggest for Nadd's birthday! CLASS!LETS GET HER A HUGE DILDO! woohoo!Nadd can stop killing zombie and stuffing that "thing" up your nose!NOW U CAN HAVE DILDO! wooooo

Today GULE-GULE girl found out people in class had issues with her. I kind of feel compassionate. I feel so bad. BUT! i cant help it. HOW CAN U LIVE WITH A CLASSMATE WHO SUCKLES ON LOLLIPOP LOUDLY?AND A BOOTLICKER? hard much?..its hell..

3 hours more till meeting BF!!

UPDATES

2009-04-29T08:37:00.000-07:00

Year break has been mundane cause he is in camp. Damn. Been home the whole 10 weeks! Okay maybe not the full 10 weeks. But maybe at least a month? I have been attending training, entered Cheerobics 2009 as an independent group. Did not perform as I expected but it was good exposure. Especially to be competing for the first time in an all girls group category. But anyways now I am in my 2nd week of school in my second year.

Bf is POP soon orh!!! I am rather impatient for his POP because that would mean i have more time with him as compared to just weekends. Back to school. It has been surprisingly amazing. I am in love with my new class. I was actually expecting some geeky classmates, bootlickers, teacher's pet, unhealthy competition. I CANT HELP IT WHAT! What would be expected out of Pharmaceutical students? But anyway, it turned out better than I expect it to be. (see!when you do not hope so much, results might be better than what you expect it to be!)

I have 3 indian facilitator! Damn! I was HOPING HARD I would not end up with and indian faci but hey when one hoped, one would have to brace themself for disappointment. But it was not so bad. There are all Doctoriate holders. And there use to be a real doctor like in the medical field. One is a Dentist, one is a surgeon is I am not wrong the third one...... I am not sure.

I have a few classmates who I would foresee myself establish good ties with!
I would like to introduce "Paris Hilton" in my class. I kind of like Paris Hilton and to have "Paris Hilton" in my class has been wonderful! Why? Because he can bitch well! It has always been about bitching! I am a girl, I do have my needs to bitch, not a good habit but an essential impulse. At least, I normally would be upfront about my criticisms. I do not hide it either. If you are aware I am bitching about you, then it is a good sign. I would not be hyprocritical about it..OH!and he is my "Nobody-Wonder Girls" dance partner..wahahha.."I want nobody, nobody but u!"clap clap point clap! weeeee!

Next PERSON, i call my "BFF". We call her Nadd because she loves big slongs! Big Slongs= i like!So she is my "BFF" in class!WAHAHAHA..we have dimples too! Ain! jealous much? she is actually a very nice, innocent girl, who Ain would love to corrupt. And she has this laughter. Scarily cute!

Ain! obviously is my favourite person in class. Want to know why? Because she is my roks buddy! K, not only that. I actually enjoy having conversations with her! I think she would be someone who can remind me to behave too (I can get a little out of hand!). She is also fun to crap with like how Hilton and Nadd is.

Yusoff!also known as Sofia. He has a subtle personality. He is the guy whom u might want to say " Don't judge a book by it's cover". He is this innocent looking boy who w ould not hurt a fly but but but he is in silat(ironic?). He mightr hurt your balls mann. But he is overall a very nice person and you'll be amazed when he talks. He seems fine opening up to the "Geng".

Susu is the "Geng's" milk provider. Ok no. Joke. She is the one who laughs 80% of the time and would spend 20% quiet. She is an avid listener to gossips and stories.

There are a few more people. Would write about them soon. OH! Something hillarious happened. We were watching a part of "Short Bus". Those who have watched them, you must be horny or naughty but we were watching out of curiosity and comedy value or Ain would say "ART". Anyways...Ain was saying a character in the story could not have orgasm. Then Li Ting came by and ask a ver magical question. "WHAT IS ORGANISM?" wahhahahaha.. Everyone started laughing. Eversince when has ORGASM became ORGANISM?whahaha.. OK..u can say its lame but it was in the moment!The look on Li Ting's curious face was priceless.

Till next entry..Good Night people..

Take me Out

2009-01-13T23:11:00.000-08:00

School has been a dread to be in and be attending religiously. I only look forward to breaks and after school, well at least I USED to. Now, all I have as a plan is be home.

Friends are busy and things are not how it used to be. I have honestly never felt the feeling of being alone. Being in my solitude is great but when it is too long, it becomes lonely. I am not so much of a social butterfly I guess but having a companion is needed. It is a need rather than a want. I do entertain thoughts of flying away and coming back after a month. It would be great. Leave everyone behind only to return and feel appreciated.

Take me out will you?

LIFE

2009-01-11T22:11:00.000-08:00

Life has not been so great. Life has not been easy either.

Sometimes I wish I have control over my feelings and be less fickle.
It sucks when your emotions take over your stable state of mind.
Its amazing how such events can just crumble your strength.
But I have no qualms or doubts loving you darling.

It sucks to be fickle.
Clothes.
(What should I wear? maybe this..oh wait, this looks nicer, but wait, this makes me look fat, this is too revealing.)

Food.
( What should I eat? Fastfood..KFC!YUM!but wait too much fried food for the past weeks. Maybe real food, But wait, too filling. Maybe salad, but nah, too expensive and not fillling, but wait, need to llok the body mass. But wait.....)

Choice of Education.
(Should I do something I feel like doing or should I do something with a secured future. OH WAIT, but what if I hate doing it)

Friends
(She is pretty, it would be awesome to be bff with someone hot. He is handsome, it would so complimenting for my profile. Or should i trust these people or can i be close to these people.....I like her...but...i like him..but..oh wait, he look so much nice..he is this...he is that....bla bla bla )

Alot more topics where one can be fickle about.
I feel so low day to day not knowing where this is going
Trust not to trust
It sucks not knowing if u should or not trust

If only I can control the things that appear in mind and all.
But I guess, darling has been making me strong.

World Issues

2008-12-05T18:59:00.000-08:00

WORLD ISSUES

Horizons , where the extremes seems to meet
Reality, where dreams and doubts meets
Among the steel structures, stood a being
Staring, thinking and wondering where this is going.

Amidst the commotion, peace awaits
If only people could respond instead of contemplate.
We questioned the reasons to our existence
When the answer is among our presence.

The wise becomes blind,
While the blind becomes wiser.
The deaf are heard,
While the ones heard are deaf.

Poverty becomes a new age trend
While the trendy are for the wealthy
Less is rich
While more is craved.

I was on the train from Yishun to Orchard. I started writing this when I saw the sun setting in Ang Mo Kio, from Yio chu kang to AMK station. Made me think about the issues we have and faced ourselves and on the other side of the world. Interpretation is open to any reader to how you see or feel. Enjoy.

Memoriessss...whoah..

2008-12-02T23:20:00.000-08:00

Picture taken on 31 august 2008, outside my home. Darlin, going home would never be the same without you. No one to hug me or kiss me goodbye. No one to make my ugly day a beautiful one. I love u.

Can u see the kid in my eyes? Only you let the kid in me live freely. AT LEAST you dun find me lame.

Behind every succesful man is a woman. BUT behind a happy RICCA is AZRI...wahahhaa

Pweeettty girls and DARLIN !

2008-12-02T22:34:00.000-08:00

Hey hey! I have to first "complain" about how disgusted I felt and feel repulsive at the sight of pweety girls whose eyes meet yours yet it is not followed up by a smile. Like seriously, what is wrong with smiling mann. Like SERIOUSLY, not as though your teeth will fall out. AND GIRLS!!! smiling takes lesser effort to compare to u frowning. and frowning gives u wrinkles so SMILE cannnnn? Like i notice 2 really beautiful girls, I envy them for their beauty. Like WOW! they are lucky girls. BUT it became a turn off when they dun smile. Like wtf!!!will ur teeth fall out or will u die smiling. SHIT isnt it. From being a beauty u just look like a bitch to me mann. WHAT A WASTE OF GOD'S GIFT. HOLY SHIT.

I have been thinking about my relationship. I think this relationship is the one I want to be in. I honestly could not find another guy who can match my personalities. I thought I can be with anyone or any guy who is patient and fun. HOWEVER, i find out that I am wrong. My bf has qualities that I have yet to find or even impossible to find in any other guys I know or yet to know. I am sick of fighting over what i like and what i dun. But for my bf, he knows what i like and what i dun. If we were to happen to fight or have misunderstandings, it would be petty, extremely petty. Which is normally resolved overnight. We do have major fights but it only made our relationship stronger. Almost 6 years la beb.

He is going get enlisted and I am worried. I realise I am VERY dependent on his presence. He is my sanity kit and my air. Can u imagine?! if God, takes away your ability to breathe? the pain and slow death it will cost you. That is exactly how I would feel whenever he is not around. Even when I have my fire shows. He is there to either perform or help me with my make up and lighting my toys up. It is not about just anyone being there. It is him. The guy whose name is Muhammad Azri. Even when we longboard together. He has been there to encourage me. Push me to my limit, carve. (Which I have yet to achieve). when i fall and scaped my thighs, knees and arms, u were there to make me stronger and not falter like how any girlie girl would. He knows when to apply his affection. He is the only one that I feel safe to let the kid in me live. It is only with him that i demand extra attention. At time when I am lazy to walk, he would carry me like how a mum carries her toddler. I would just sleep soundly on his shoulder. Thank u darlin for pampering me. Only u know how to.

Our relationship went through alot. And to be honest darlin, when we reconcile an work out our relationship, I am afraid to love u as much as I did before. Afraid of losing you again. BUT, now, I want to be in this, I dun mind the risk and pain IF anything unplanned happens. I want u to know that I rather have u hurting me than any other person. At least u r someone I would give up everything for. Allah, please make me stronger when he is not around.

I never regret loving u till this very day. NEVER. IF i have the power to turn back time, I would want myself to be more loving than I am now. I would not change a thing aboit loving you and never have i regretted the day I say "YES". I am enjoying every moment I have with you. Even if it is for a few minutes. The feeling of riding on the bike with you if comforting and no other feeling can compare that. BEING IN YOUR ARMS is like being in the most peaceful place that can ever exist in earth. Your kiss bring me into paradise and in this most relaistic yet delusional world. I am on drugs to be kissed and hugged by you.

Relationships

2008-11-25T19:24:00.000-08:00

Hello!! I am sitting in my maths and computing module..stoning away, refuse to do anything about it even though I wish i would. I started thinking about some random issues.

I am at an age where i see a relationship with someone special as a form of companionship. I need him to be physically around me whenever i want him to be. Be there for both mind and soul. Not leaving me when i needed him most. Be sensitive at the same time firm. Putting aside differences and try work things out rather than keeping mum about it. It is about having this peaceful feeling when you happen to be around him. Like nothing else really matter when he is around. The hugs make u feel u want to be there for a very long time. his kisses are instant cupid shots where u fall in love with him over and over again. The feeling is priceless.

Loving me at the same time my family. Having a proper planned future. We can pull through financial difficulties together. Staring at the sky and daydream with me. ALWAYS say I am pretty and encourage me to lose weight(hahaha). Being around him allows me to be my true self. Be very pampered yet matured. Be serious when times need us be. Not keeping it bottled up and let it out and stabbed me through my heart. AND boys...PLEASE dun think of issues if u r not thinking of solutions to it. It is pointless and u are killing brain cell for nothing.

Let's list what i look for in a guy/companion. (which is MOSTLY noticeable in my bf)
P.S: keep in mind im a perfectionist.

PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES
1. Tall
2. Possibly pleasant (handsome to my eyes)
3. Nice kept hair, ranging from dreads to nice, neat hair.
4. His pants are worn at his hips
5. Talented (skate, surf, poi, and many more uh)
6. Boxers Brief (OOOOOOHHHH Hot!)
7. Not excessively hairy (scary hairy)
8. Feet size 10 and above
9. Clean shaven
10. Well-groomed
11. Ironed tshirts and shirts
12. Lean Body, mid size range, tone one ,its to facilitate carrying me around when am lazee(skinny=scary, fatty=funny)
13. Smoking habit is acceptable but not excessively (turn off)
14. MUST smell nice
15. Great in bed! (wahahah)

PERSONALITY ATTRIBUTES
1.Lovingly concern (not excessively)
2. Enjoys listening to me rambling
3. Find my clumsiness a beauty
4. Love my flaws. (love handles, boncetness, ugly complexion)
5. Being himself
6. Not trying too hard to please me
7. His ego should not be bigger than his head
8. Down to earth, humble
9. Able to stand my unpredictable character
10. Must meet me everyday
11. Enjoy eating with me for hours and hours and hours
12. Patient, ULTIMATELY patient
13. Entertaining, humorous (im VERY playful and cheeky)
14. Genuinely and sincerely love me for what I am
15. NOT cheeky (i have issues with third parties)
16. Same passion = more topics to talk about = connection

There is alot more, but that is all I can think about now. Trust me, being with a perfectionist can be challenging!Ask my bf. But he LOVES ME STILL!!! WEEE..awwwww...so suweett.

I shall continue with the post in my next entry . I have not been seeing bf uh. So i do miss him bad.

" Die Liebe wächst mit der Entfernung. "
(Absence makes the heart grow fonder.- Sextus Propertius)

Without you

2008-11-20T08:24:00.000-08:00

I came across a few songs while recalling my Disney favourite movies. 1 thing i enjoyed most about fairytales is their happy endings and relentless love. It is so amazing that love can overcome the greatest challenge. When the love is strong and sincere, nothing can break them apart. Nothing. This song is for Him. You know who I am talking about. If you happen to read this, I never fail to at least have you in my mind every single step I take. Trust me, it is not the three words I have to say. You can feel it when my eyes meet yours.

The song is in blue while what I feel at each sentence is in black.

"Need To Be Next To You"

Been running from these feelings for so long
(i am afraid to love as i got hurt one too many times that loving is a selfless act)
Telling my heart I didn't need you
(I delude myself, telling and thinking i can live on without you and be less dependent, think lesser. Not because I do not feel anything for you but, by doing so, i would not hope, when i don't, I would not get hurt)
Pretending I was better off alone
(You know how much i hate being alone. I can never be better off alone.)
But I know that it's just a lie
( Who can I kid? having you out of my life is not an option. FEELS SO RIGHT YET WRONG)
So afraid to take a chance again
(LOSING you is NOT an option for me, never will it be)
So afraid of what I feel inside
( Adoring me was more than sufficient to get me by the days. Rather than hearing nothing at all)

But I need to be next to you
Oh I, oh I
I need to share every breath with you
Oh I, oh I
I need to know I can see your smile each morning
(You have no idea how that little smile of yours lit up my whole day. The image of your smile plastered to my head, rewinding it whenever i feel low, just to cheer me up)
Look into your eyes each night
(The night i stared into your eyes. It is a dream come true. I fairytale i never wanted it to end. I wanted us to remain like that, me in your arms)
For the rest of my life
Here with you near with you
Oh I, I need to be next to you
Need be next to you

Right here with you is here I belong
I'll lose my mind if I can't see you
( The insanity you bring me, God knows how much i feel for you)
Without you there is nothing in this life
That would make life worth living for
I can't bear the thought of you not there
(Never can i c the day u choose to leave, Il asked God to put me in a coma and forget how u made me fall for u)
I can't fight what I feel anymore
(I am expressisng this to you because the more I keep it inside, the crazier i become)

Oh I, I need to be next to you
I need to have your heart next to mine
For all time
Love you for all of my life

Ricca Melissa
Adore is better than like, less profound than love
I adore u

My random expression

2008-11-20T05:38:00.000-08:00

Hey hey..it has been some time since I wrote something...I do not know what got into me but i feel very "writer-ish" recently. Pardon my language disability. I do not have perfect grammar or even wide variety of vocabulary. I even, at times, suck at spelling the words right.

Anyway, I think, starting from today onwards, my blog would be fillled with poetry or random recollections of what I felt for the day or even random observations of people.

Therefore, my first entry, leading me to what i felt during science module. I am not sure if it is random but I see writing as a form of expression and controlling my extremeness in feeling or evaluating somethings i crossed in life.

IMpossible Love

I am clueless
No idea the cause of insanity
Impossibility looms
Five against One
An unjustifiable ratio

Was this what I craved?
Was this what I have always wanted?
To be treated like a princess
Wide eyed, begging for affection.

Confusion is not the issue
The heart demand what it wants
But reality had to pull her tumbling back
Does it have to hurt?

This is unexplainable.
Explaining would be a parallel to writing a thesis
Begging appoval for a doctorate
The Mess.

Chaotic entanglement between right and wrong
A need and want
the sight of you
made entanglement a beauty

Wants to be in yet out
Feels so right yet wrong
Ramblings of nothing to something
Indulging in sweetness maintaining happy anxiety

Green eyed monster lived
the sight of you alongside her
sacrificed the pain
carving a smile

Productiveness plummets along with self
into a black, comforting hole.
Enlighten me
reel me out if this comfort diffuses

The captivating smile
Alluring eyes
Let me in, never out
Impossibility knocks

What is happening?
this phenomenal emotions
was that my heart? Head ? Fate?
Dun ask me to fade

More of how, not why,
speechless and shy
What options do I have?
Only to leave?

Dissapearing act is futile
Amnesia is a choice
Impossibility knocks twice

A little girl robbed of her last candy
Breathing hard in the gas chamber
Life is taken away
While crying by the bay

Save the truth
For it is harsh
Want to know yet not know
Want to hope yet not hurt

Lead me or console me
hold this little girl's hands
Searching for her missing candy
Impossibility awaits.

Ricca

Pictures of HER

2008-07-05T03:46:00.000-07:00

She is staring at my hand cause she loves to pounce

on stuffs and then bite and chew. Both my hand and

his are frequented by her teeth every moment.

Especially when he is asleep

Her sleeping on my chest in class. I brought her to class on Friday

because I brought her home the day before. During lunch

she went over his house to stay.

In the morning, while doing my work, she slept on my lap.

She got too comfy and kinda stretched

almost falling off my lap. SO

that explains my palm beneath her.

While I am preparing for school. She entertained

my reflective cupboard. She is pretty petite.

Use my bag as measuring gauge.

There is defintely more more pictures for me to show. I realise I LOVE spending time playing with her. It feels weird to not see her for a day. I think I now have that attachment to her. At first I wanted to put her up for adoption but I decided not to. Darlin agreed to house her, So now it is her litter box I need to get and her food. I dun want her poop to stink and I do not want her to pee on me again.

Name for Kitten??

2008-07-05T02:52:00.000-07:00

I cant decide a name. So, I did a little research.

CUTE
1)Schattig (Dutch)
2)Carino (Italian)
3)Reizend (German)
4)Mignon (French)
5)Grascioso (Portuguese)

MY KITTEN
1)Mi Gatito (Spanish)
2)Mon Chaton (French)
3)Mein Kätzchen(German)

DARLING
1) Elskling (Norwegian)
2) Querido (Spanish)
3) Chéri (French)
4) Liebling (German)
5) Tesoro (Italian)
6)De lieveling (Dutch)
7) Encantador (Portuguese)

BABY
1) Bebé (Spanish)
2) Bambino (Italian)

Research is pretty much done. Coloured and bold are my final choices. I HOPED and WISHED darlin will help me choose the name.

Kitten Found

2008-07-01T11:14:00.001-07:00

My darlin is the best darlin i ever have and will ever have. I dun think anyone can replace my darlin. He slept for two hours. Then worked from 7am to 4pm. He then meet me after school around 6pm.Then he accompany me jog at stadium despite dozing off several times.

Then, while i was jogging, i saw a kitten!! Being an animal lover(especially cats), I decide to pick it up and begged with darlin to bring it home!!! To his home of course..and omygeorge..He agreed!!! (i love u darlin!) He then accompany me to feed the lil kitty who took forever to finish her food(kitty is female btw)...I sat next to her(kitty) and chat with maisarah..SO...Darlin had to stand very long!!!sorry daarlin..i love u soo sooo much(fer being patient).

I reached home at 10pm..then darlin acc me again toplay with kitty till 11pm..He has werk the next day at 9am!can u believe it!he needs to wake up at 7 plus and yet accompanied me TILL 11pm with just two hours of sleep the previous day.

He then brought lil kitty home for me cause my mama is a lil apprehensive of having pets. My darlin is not only sacrificial but patient,loving and understands my family best!WHATS MORE TO ASK FER!PLUS!HE IS HAWTIE HAWT HAWT HAWTIE!i love him..hugs u darlin..

darlin....

2008-04-01T16:30:00.000-07:00

things between us seems diff..i dunno y..i cant help but feel like that...maybe its just me..maybe...i love u darlin..really do...

2ndd day wo u

2008-03-21T23:06:00.000-07:00

Bleargh!!!2nd day wo u..boring......im kinda glad i would be gg to school soon..students in sch x are getting suckier by the day..actually teaching language is super interesting...but the CLASSES!!!THEY R CURSED!!!CURSED AND DAMNED...anyway...i foresee abt 2 more weeks in sch x..happy and excited cause ill be away from the cursed n damned kids...BUT...SAD CAUSE I HAD GREAT TIMES WITH SOME CLASSES..and also i wnt be getting any pay!!!money is imprtnt uh!!!!...haish...im like sested right infront of the teevee and watching cartoon..i realise cartoooooooons are super entertaining and i kind of cannot live wo my dosage of cartoons..but of course i need my daily dosage of ari tooo...gawd...wo that dosage il fall sick..n im serious!!!i did literally got ill wen he was busy with werkk n his supercool frens...(sorry darlin)..

i realise

2008-03-21T19:58:00.000-07:00

i went out today...to marina and den home..bleargh..whut a day..honestly weird wo u...like SUPERR mundane..SUPERRRbleargh...and darlin puh lease come back reall soon......needa hug n hug n hug n hug n hug n hug..and wen r we going to learn hw to bail properly..i cant wait!!!wannna be a great amateur den be like u den be pro...WAHAHAHHAHAHA...dreamsssss..i love u darlin..

darlin is away

2008-03-20T22:36:00.000-07:00

DARLIN!he had to go off to malacca!!upset...y u have too goo..but anws..happy 5 years 2 months knowing uew!!!!i super lovee u...

rats

2008-03-18T23:17:00.000-07:00

mannn...ill just complain abt the classes i teach everyday...honestly im losing my voice and am gg die soo soon..i keep telling myself i can do with these technical classes BUT GAWD!!!!they r sure a handful!BLEARGH...a few mre weeks i suppose..i need motivate myself!!!to think abt it..i think teaching is a super DEMANDING and NEVER-ENDING profession.nt only u feel pressured with deadlines..u r constantly tormented n mentally tortured by these students..marking wise...GAWD..handwritting is beyond legible and quality....atrocious!o wait!its BEYOND description..i had another bad day..these class clowns..they r super idiots..i mean the class is laughing AT their stupidity and they feel great bt it..there r like a walking mockery...worst part is dat they r even PROUD of it!!!..amazing..moving on..apart from my technical classess..my particular academic class..mann..these peeps think they r some smart shit ass..but gawd..they r definitely nowhere NEAR smart..DEFINITELY nowhere NEAR clever...they r ermmmm...let me c.....no werds to describe they intelligence..o wait..intelligence dun even exist in em..there r a handful of better students..while d rest r...bleargh...hw to make english classes anymore interesting if i cant get em to engage!!!WORST!!!IL BE SEEING THEIR IDIOTIC FACES EVERYDAY!!!!SCREW...

weng weng!!!

2008-03-18T08:54:00.000-07:00

o yesss...darlin's weng weng is repaired!!!!so i did got a super short ride homeee..finally!away from public transport..thanks to ah peng's fren..i dunno who...hahha..and bub bye to money money..hais...

insolent ass

2008-03-18T06:40:00.000-07:00

im lucky im not as stupid as some students i taught..even during my secondary school years..no matter hw naughty back then, i never let it affect my academic results..but these losers..they are already at the lower end and yet they let their already puny,not in existence brains make decisons..i realise i have zero tolerance fer defiant idiots..i mean wtf..they r already idiots..whut can we expect from these species..apart from dat..i cant understand KIDS who r in sch and give the teachers "i dun wanna be here" or "i dun have a choice" attitude plus they think they r big fuckers..MANN..u people go consider doing something worthwhile....like inventing something that can overturn u idiots to scholars or at least THINKING ppl.. "if u think others r giving u problems?think abt the problems u r giving them".....and education is nt giving u problems u mofos..its giving u a future,something to put edible stuff dwn ur throat..haha..they r honestly useless heavyweights who r pulling their classmates down in d hole of no return...and im amazed at the development of their 16 year old brain...which is ultimately inferior to compare to a P6 brains..wahaha..cruell...k finee applicable to some only..anyway y such comments?cause today was a bad day..i had an ugly start with my english class luh...cause of an insolent ass..and i tell u..a grp of monkeys in class can easily affect ur mood to teach..The power of negativity energy..apart from that..im cool with my other CHALLENGING classes...haha..WHOAH..tom is a start with THE classs.....bleargh...I SHALL BE POSITIVE..her i come..its like mentally preparing myself fer a battle where I HAVE TO WIN..hahhaa...CRAP..im losing my voiceee..argh....

How we met (his version)

2008-03-17T05:25:00.000-07:00

dun want tell u.

how we met

2008-03-17T04:54:00.000-07:00

it was d beginning of 2003..i was transferred from deyi secondary to marsiling secondary..it was my first day in school..being new,it sucks cause u feel preeetty much alone and alienated from d rest..u walk over to ur posted class and try to make new friends...soooo first week of school were pretty much mundane and normal fer..till d 2nd week..my class was situated on the 3rd floor of the 2nd last block..across my class 3m3 was 2s2...i noticed a tall,super fair and ultra hot guy smiling and waving at me along with his friends..at first i wasnt giving it much thought till i realise the "waving" proceeded on fer a few days..i realise im starting to fall fer someone whom at dat point of time i call "A"..at d end of the 2nd week,i knew his name,class and CCA..so the following sat, wen i was having NPCC..i saw him marched around at the parade square..i swear to god he looks super hot..By the 3rd week the only thing i remember saying anything to him was "hi"..HILLARIOUS..Dat week, i remember clearly i had an excursion to Police Coast Guard at kallang..wen i came back..i saw him and his friends at the canteen..we started talking..he was holding on to a green towel drinking milo..we said our gdbyes and i left..BUT BEFORE I LEFT SCH..one of his friends called out to me and ask me the ultimate qn!!!!i cldnt stp smiling..i was 15!!all i cld think of now was the date of the eventful day and how hot my bf is..THAT DATE till this very second of my life was never forgotten...it was the day i found someone who taught me alot about love,friendship, companionship,SACRIFICE and PATIENCE..