Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Hello!! I am sitting in my maths and computing module..stoning away, refuse to do anything about it even though I wish i would. I started thinking about some random issues.

I am at an age where i see a relationship with someone special as a form of companionship. I need him to be physically around me whenever i want him to be. Be there for both mind and soul. Not leaving me when i needed him most. Be sensitive at the same time firm. Putting aside differences and try work things out rather than keeping mum about it. It is about having this peaceful feeling when you happen to be around him. Like nothing else really matter when he is around. The hugs make u feel u want to be there for a very long time. his kisses are instant cupid shots where u fall in love with him over and over again. The feeling is priceless.

Loving me at the same time my family. Having a proper planned future. We can pull through financial difficulties together. Staring at the sky and daydream with me. ALWAYS say I am pretty and encourage me to lose weight(hahaha). Being around him allows me to be my true self. Be very pampered yet matured. Be serious when times need us be. Not keeping it bottled up and let it out and stabbed me through my heart. AND boys...PLEASE dun think of issues if u r not thinking of solutions to it. It is pointless and u are killing brain cell for nothing.

Let's list what i look for in a guy/companion. (which is MOSTLY noticeable in my bf)
P.S: keep in mind im a perfectionist.

PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES
1. Tall
2. Possibly pleasant (handsome to my eyes)
3. Nice kept hair, ranging from dreads to nice, neat hair.
4. His pants are worn at his hips
5. Talented (skate, surf, poi, and many more uh)
6. Boxers Brief (OOOOOOHHHH Hot!)
7. Not excessively hairy (scary hairy)
8. Feet size 10 and above
9. Clean shaven
10. Well-groomed
11. Ironed tshirts and shirts
12. Lean Body, mid size range, tone one ,its to facilitate carrying me around when am lazee(skinny=scary, fatty=funny)
13. Smoking habit is acceptable but not excessively (turn off)
14. MUST smell nice
15. Great in bed! (wahahah)

PERSONALITY ATTRIBUTES
1.Lovingly concern (not excessively)
2. Enjoys listening to me rambling
3. Find my clumsiness a beauty
4. Love my flaws. (love handles, boncetness, ugly complexion)
5. Being himself
6. Not trying too hard to please me
7. His ego should not be bigger than his head
8. Down to earth, humble
9. Able to stand my unpredictable character
10. Must meet me everyday
11. Enjoy eating with me for hours and hours and hours
12. Patient, ULTIMATELY patient
13. Entertaining, humorous (im VERY playful and cheeky)
14. Genuinely and sincerely love me for what I am
15. NOT cheeky (i have issues with third parties)
16. Same passion = more topics to talk about = connection

There is alot more, but that is all I can think about now. Trust me, being with a perfectionist can be challenging!Ask my bf. But he LOVES ME STILL!!! WEEE..awwwww...so suweett.

I shall continue with the post in my next entry . I have not been seeing bf uh. So i do miss him bad.

" Die Liebe wächst mit der Entfernung. "
(Absence makes the heart grow fonder.- Sextus Propertius)

Labels: I love u darlin, Ich liebe dich

Thursday, November 20, 2008

I came across a few songs while recalling my Disney favourite movies. 1 thing i enjoyed most about fairytales is their happy endings and relentless love. It is so amazing that love can overcome the greatest challenge. When the love is strong and sincere, nothing can break them apart. Nothing. This song is for Him. You know who I am talking about. If you happen to read this, I never fail to at least have you in my mind every single step I take. Trust me, it is not the three words I have to say. You can feel it when my eyes meet yours.

The song is in blue while what I feel at each sentence is in black.

"Need To Be Next To You"

Been running from these feelings for so long
(i am afraid to love as i got hurt one too many times that loving is a selfless act)
Telling my heart I didn't need you
(I delude myself, telling and thinking i can live on without you and be less dependent, think lesser. Not because I do not feel anything for you but, by doing so, i would not hope, when i don't, I would not get hurt)
Pretending I was better off alone
(You know how much i hate being alone. I can never be better off alone.)
But I know that it's just a lie
( Who can I kid? having you out of my life is not an option. FEELS SO RIGHT YET WRONG)
So afraid to take a chance again
(LOSING you is NOT an option for me, never will it be)
So afraid of what I feel inside
( Adoring me was more than sufficient to get me by the days. Rather than hearing nothing at all)


But I need to be next to you
Oh I, oh I
I need to share every breath with you
Oh I, oh I
I need to know I can see your smile each morning
(You have no idea how that little smile of yours lit up my whole day. The image of your smile plastered to my head, rewinding it whenever i feel low, just to cheer me up)
Look into your eyes each night
(The night i stared into your eyes. It is a dream come true. I fairytale i never wanted it to end. I wanted us to remain like that, me in your arms)
For the rest of my life
Here with you near with you
Oh I, I need to be next to you
Need be next to you

Right here with you is here I belong
I'll lose my mind if I can't see you
( The insanity you bring me, God knows how much i feel for you)
Without you there is nothing in this life
That would make life worth living for
I can't bear the thought of you not there
(Never can i c the day u choose to leave, Il asked God to put me in a coma and forget how u made me fall for u)
I can't fight what I feel anymore
(I am expressisng this to you because the more I keep it inside, the crazier i become)

Oh I, I need to be next to you
I need to have your heart next to mine
For all time
Love you for all of my life

Ricca Melissa
Adore is better than like, less profound than love
I adore u

Labels: 2 mnths to 6, 21 january

Hey hey..it has been some time since I wrote something...I do not know what got into me but i feel very "writer-ish" recently. Pardon my language disability. I do not have perfect grammar or even wide variety of vocabulary. I even, at times, suck at spelling the words right.

Anyway, I think, starting from today onwards, my blog would be fillled with poetry or random recollections of what I felt for the day or even random observations of people.

Therefore, my first entry, leading me to what i felt during science module. I am not sure if it is random but I see writing as a form of expression and controlling my extremeness in feeling or evaluating somethings i crossed in life.

IMpossible Love

I am clueless
No idea the cause of insanity
Impossibility looms
Five against One
An unjustifiable ratio

Was this what I craved?
Was this what I have always wanted?
To be treated like a princess
Wide eyed, begging for affection.

Confusion is not the issue
The heart demand what it wants
But reality had to pull her tumbling back
Does it have to hurt?

This is unexplainable.
Explaining would be a parallel to writing a thesis
Begging appoval for a doctorate
The Mess.

Chaotic entanglement between right and wrong
A need and want
the sight of you
made entanglement a beauty

Wants to be in yet out
Feels so right yet wrong
Ramblings of nothing to something
Indulging in sweetness maintaining happy anxiety

Green eyed monster lived
the sight of you alongside her
sacrificed the pain
carving a smile

Productiveness plummets along with self
into a black, comforting hole.
Enlighten me
reel me out if this comfort diffuses

The captivating smile
Alluring eyes
Let me in, never out
Impossibility knocks

What is happening?
this phenomenal emotions
was that my heart? Head ? Fate?
Dun ask me to fade

More of how, not why,
speechless and shy
What options do I have?
Only to leave?

Dissapearing act is futile
Amnesia is a choice
Impossibility knocks twice

A little girl robbed of her last candy
Breathing hard in the gas chamber
Life is taken away
While crying by the bay

Save the truth
For it is harsh
Want to know yet not know
Want to hope yet not hurt

Lead me or console me
hold this little girl's hands
Searching for her missing candy
Impossibility awaits.

Ricca

Labels: i bow, I love you

Ricca Melissa
Muhammad Azri
210103
Schattig Cheri
HangLoose
She: Cheerleading and Geek
He: Boarder and Talented
Passion: Surf Scene, Art Scene, Boarding Scene, Feline animals
Chill, laid-back